PaaV Podcast #15

jen on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 7:53 am 

Thank you….I know you put this up just so I can be entertained on the ride to the cruise ship. Parker can play the license plate game with his evil cousin. Enjoy this weeks angst…I’ll be biking around Nassau and Key West.
Jen

Heather on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 9:29 am 

Am I the only one who was relieved to get to Friday’s episode with Jeffrey’s memorial? Seriously, it’s the happiest Olivia has been for 3 weeks. Thanks for dying, Jeffrey. It gave us a tiny break from crazypants Olivia…oh, and it brought us Ava. Good times.

Also, it’s just so so SO wrong that Olivia has gotten more action from Reva than she has from Natalia. Ridonculous!

Dani – “Hotness will only get you so far when you smell like a foot.” has officially replaced “You’re never a loser when you have rum.” as my motto.

…and loved the “final thought” moment.

Lana, Snapper, Whatever on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 9:45 am 

Liz – You’d sleep with Josh? Are you serious? That guy is so creepy and lecherous. And you scoff at my Philip love? You may well be dead to me.

Liz on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 10:29 am 

Jen- Peektures! I am such a ho.

Heather- Hah! I hadnt even thought about the fact that she planted that huge ass kiss of Reva and she hasnt even done that w/ Natalia.

Lana- I’m never dead to you and you know it. You need me too much, which is why you’re going to be nice in the trivia questions.

riot on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 12:36 pm 

Bend thou thy knee and woolsheep these hate-filled (>Porter),
violent (>the whole population of Springfield),
Sisters of Snark and Slander.

Pancakes rock space’s socks.

I share your sentiment re: Olivia’s repeatage of the same fucking shit over and over. It sucks not being able to say goodbye to the ones you love. It’s not nice being left alone by your Natperson without warning. Sadsadsad not getting a chance to say buh-bye. Lover gone, don’t know why, not good. Nothing worse than honeybun gone without talk. meh. mehmehmeh. *drunk*

I really love miserable Liv and I’m not saying she shouldn’t be but man, all that precious screen time wasted on redundance… criminal.

And Jeffrey dropping like a fly? I love you Liz.

Oh, and Lana, let me join you re: creepy and lecherous Josh. Don’t matter how life-savey and protective they’re portraying him, not healthy that man. Plus, he does know about Natlove, and still he keeps putting his penis in Olivia’s general direction, not cool.

(Liz, I caught your “flowting”)

ps: thanks to all the pic people, love that collection of PaaV awesomeness.

Christin on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 2:03 pm 

2 things:
1. Where were the words of the week?

2. How can you not know “Rosebud” Liz- someone send this chick a copy of Citizen Kane stat!

Liz on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 2:51 pm 

Riot- people already think we are filled with hate and violence, so I say- go with it. Or I’ll break your kneecaps you douchebag.

Christin-
3 things:
1. We are morons who forgot / watching this show to make notes has beat all the shiny enthusiasm off our faces.
2. Come to LA and watch it with me in person.
3. Call Keener, ask if we’d be allowed in to her evil / awesome club. Do it. (Check out the video Keener interview with Jamie Lauren – who we are more important than – at tellofilms.com!)

Lana on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 3:54 pm 

Liz: ’tis true…I just can’t quit you. (Fade in Willie Nelson song)

Dani: Thank you for noticing both the whole “Hey, Emma, why don’t you go wait for me by the metal swings in the middle of a thunder storm?” thing and the magical, self-unlocking doors at the Beacon. That hotel sucks!

The whole Chicago./handcuffing thing was so stupid, and I can’t erase it from my brain. If Liv had to do something like that, why not make it something that would have actually added propelled her story forward? Why didn’t she handcuff freaking *Blake* to the bar at Company and demand to know which convent Natalia is at? That would have been lame, but it at least would have opened the door for interesting developments that would actually be RELEVANT. Buzz trying to talk her down, Frank arresting her, Philip bailing her out, blah blah blah.

I’m going off now to make up trivia questions about Natalia’s favorite brand of toothpaste.

ashleelynn7 on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 5:55 pm 

I feel I am beginning to sound redundant when the only thing I say is ITA. Yet again, everything you said, hit the nail on the head for me. I wanna see Liv hit rock bottom but I just do not buy her forgetting about Emma or showing up drunk to pick her up. And the bar/handcuffs? Just no…made no sense.

Liz- I too share your love for Robert Newman. He is old enough to be my father but I absolutely love him. And the Jeffrey dropping like a fly had me LMAO. Made of win.

Dani- Just totally agree with everything you said lol. And the final thought? Very cool. Loved it. And this is related to the Trivia Pod but just wanted to say that I knew all of the quotes questions that you made. I am a quotes whore and have prolly watched Otalia enough to recite them line for line. Quotes FTW.

notoaster on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 6:29 pm 

Only thing memorable about last week’s episodes was aviator glasses of sexy hotness.

I have a feeling the Chicago scenes were heavily edited and cut for time. It just felt so…WTF? It was a totally unnecessary scene that made absolutely no sense.

A non-Otalia related comment: Reva’s freak-out scene at Jeffer’s funeral on Friday made me laugh. Hysterically.

I mean, she chewed that scenery like she was a starving Ethiopian.

Anyway…great pod.

tallulah71 on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 9:25 pm 

Now do you see why I picked Reva over Ashlee? Okay, I know you don’t, but at least you’re finally seeing Ashlee for what she is, an annoying suckfest. When she was sitting by Olivia at the memorial, I kept expecting her to lean over and say, “PSST. DID YOU KNOW THAT NATALLYA IS GAY?”

Rosebud…it was his ____. It was his ____ from his _________. There now I just saved you two long, boring, boobless hours.
Or
Rosebud, Rosebud frozen peas.
(See if get those references, Dani.)

Liz – Don’t bother with Citizen Kane. It is way overrated. I made my way through the AFI top 100 and it was very disappointing, especially to be number one.

maggie23 on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 11:10 pm 

liz + josh = the phrase that has been banned. that image gets the big hairy eyeball…

i also found it a little disconcerting to hear liz say that olivia is old enough to be her daddy

finally, because i am currently a slut for all things otalia and i have only recently been turned on to paav, i am just now listening to all of the podcasts from the original episodes that got me hooked on otalia in the first place. last week i listened to #’s 9 through 14 and #1 (yes, i know continuity is an issue here)… tonight i listened to #15 and then #2 (remember? that was back when things were all hearts and flowers, there was no forking out of eyes, douchebags were as yet unnamed, and i’d never heard the word asshat let alone knew what one was)… well, i just wanna point out that in paav # 2, liz quotes nat (“i almost married a man”), and dani suggests that liz sounds just like jessica: “wow, that was a really good reading of the line…you sound just like her”…i’m just sayin’…

keep up the great work…love your podcast!

Porter on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 11:50 pm 

Dear Diary – Day 7 of being Dead to Liz. Was doing better until I listened to PaaV #15 and heard Liz so flippantly reaffirm my Dead To Her status and cruelly allude to her fond memories of my much too short PaaV life. I was immediately overcome with grief and sobbed inconsolably until all the ragged breathing and hyperventilating made me hot snack the Pepsi I’d been drinking.

There it is… the word that brought on this horrific suffering. I just don’t understand. I see others use it liberally, without consequence or gaining easy forgiveness. What is wrong with me? What is fundamentally wrong with me that I have remained Dead so long? Is it because I used a capital H? Because sometimes I forget the space and make it one word? I can’t help but wonder if it’s my fault. Why has my particular usage of the word driven Liz to such drastic measures as the continued refusal to validate my very existence? It’s not fair for you not to explain it to me, Liz!

Cried out, I took comfort in the Goldschläger chilling in my fridge. Three swigs in, I was hit by the realization that I’d forgot to mow the lawn! I fired up the riding mower and got to work, but was soon startled by the shrill bark of a siren as Deputy Keane pulled his Sheriff’s cruiser into view.

Seems I was mowing the neighbor’s lawn and they had called to report the crazy woman cutting “Bitches Make Out” into their front acre. Deputy Keane drove the mower home as I despondently sat in the back of his cruiser. Upon his return, I tried my best to explain, reminding him of the podcast I’d told him about the last time he pulled me over and informed him I was now Dead to Liz. He abruptly interrupted my ramblings and asked, “Who’s dead?!” He obviously didn’t understand…how could he? I’m so alone.

I gave up and simply tried to make him understand that this wasn’t me… I would never drive my mower drunk and deface such lush, green acreage. He just nodded sympathetically and we drove the 80ft home in silence. I soon found myself two shots deeper in Goldschläger and sitting on my inert mower in the backyard, the picture of disgrace.

I’ve sobered up now and have decided enough is enough. I have a new plan! It’s the most logical thing, actually, and I don’t know why I didn’t think of it first! Tomorrow, I’m flying to Key West, Florida and will go directly to Irish Kevin’s. Surely, someone there will have once been Dead To Liz and will be able to tell me how to end this torture. Will cuff myself to the bar until someone talks….

Liz on Mon, 27th Jul 2009 11:56 pm 

IF someone named Porter posted to my site asking how to become undead, I would remind that person that I already informed them of the super secret undead code. And I would remind them that not only did they use a phrase that I banned, but that they then sent me an evily disguised pic of naked Frank, therefore solidifying their deadness and upping the requirements for undeadness.

Dom on Tue, 28th Jul 2009 12:22 am 

Not a diehard GL fan, but you two take the piss out of the show, and in turn all the stupidity that the show has demonstrated as of late. It’s your podcast that really demonstrates how Ellen Wheeler is clearing smoking dope, and how everytime I see Rafe on camera, I look forward to $1,000,000 Pyramid & Let’s Make a Deal just a little bit more.

PS, love the Frank vs. Doris Mortal Kombat YouTube video.

Dani on Tue, 28th Jul 2009 6:22 am 

lana – If you re-wind that raining tent scene with Christina and Olivia, you can hear Emma say “fuck my life” in the background.

ashlee – Just call me Dani Springer!

notoaster – Agree re: the Chicago scenes. They reeked of choppy final cutting.

tallulah – It’s overrated by film school asshats who pretend like it’s their favorite film of all time. It’s not mine, I’d never watch it on a Friday night. But it pretty much birthed modern cinema, so I have a healthy academic respect for it.

maggie – She did sound like JL! She delivered it pretty muche exactly. I should make her do that more often.

porter – I still love you. If everyone stopped cowering after using the word HOTSNACK we wouldn’t be having these problems. Hotsnack hotsnack hotsnack.

liz – spank me at will!

dom – fucking game shows. Nothing will make me long for those, but I agree right now it’s tough to argue. That’s also Liz’s favorite video, so clearly you share her good taste.

Lana, Snapper, Whatever on Tue, 28th Jul 2009 8:54 am 

Dani – Yes, Citizen Kane is often referenced as THE GREATEST FILM, EVER by people who don’t really love it, and even by people who haven’t seen it. It’s worth seeing, though. Not just because it is a pretty damned good movie, but because a young Ruth Warwick is in it. That’s Phoebe Tyler Wallingford to most of us. Also, watching Citizen Kane makes the Rosebud episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show make sense, and that’s the greatest CK satire, ever.

Liz – Thanks a lot for pointing out that both Josh and Olivia are old enough to be your parents. It stands as a reminder that, basically, *I’m* old enough to be one of your parents, too. This old and Dani saying “hotsnack” three times still makes me smile.

Nathalie on Tue, 28th Jul 2009 10:28 am 

I’m not sure where to start, so let me just list out the reasons I love this pod.

1. Because cyclists are HOT. Full of win
B. Because team Bitchesmakeout won @ WII
3. Where was I? Oh yeah…
D. Because initially Dani goes off about Gina T’s eyebrow’s and not her eyelashes (had to rewind that one and listen twice to be sure:)) Awesome!
5. Because Porter’s STILL dead. Come on LIZ…walk it off! HOT SNACK!
F. Look…there’s a butterfly!
7. AOL email accounts FTL.

What do all of these things have in common? Oh yeah! They have nothing to do with GL, because until my Natalia comes home this show is like pouring acid into my eyes and my heart. Have I mentioned that I miss Natalia? I miss her almost as much as I miss Dani’s “Crystal Chappell in bed again” bumper. You guys are the only thing that make the pain worth it. XOXO

Rikita on Tue, 28th Jul 2009 11:46 am 

I am alarmed that Liv is old enough to be your mother. That means I am old enough too and that is so not cool. Do I have to say stuff like “out of wedlock” and “living in sin” too? I’m getting the vapors just thinking about it.

Thanks for snarking the week that was so well. Almost makes the trip through pain and depression bearable.

I’m all for choose your adventure with the likes of GT,JL and CC. Finally someone somewhere using all of that god given talent properly.

Melanie on Tue, 28th Jul 2009 12:00 pm 

Lana–you may have lost the kiddies by using a B&W tv show to explain a B&W movie (or vice versa), but all the younguns should check out the Dick Van Dyke show if only for Mary Tyler Moore and her hot cigarette pants, as well as for hilarious Rose Marie, who in retrospect may have played for both teams.

I am in the “Robert Newman is totally hot camp” and while I love Grant A and his effortless acting, he just doesn’t wear a pair of pants as well as RN. Although reading my post, it would appear that I have a thing about pants.

Finally, let me clarify from last week that Gina T’s false eyelashes in no way detract from all of her other assets and her general on-screen awesomeness. Dani, I just worry that perhaps you’ll be taken in one of these days by a painted lady with designs on you and as one of the elder generation I just want you to keep your wits about you. Things can look much different in morning light.

Signing off as someone proud to be born in the same year as CC.

Lana on Tue, 28th Jul 2009 1:54 pm 

Melanie – Laura Petrie is, indeed, a sight to behold in those pegged pants and turtleneck sweaters with 3/4 sleeves. One of my first crushes. (I also liked the hot-tempered cowgirl on F Troop) Liz and Dani are resourceful children – I trust they’ll check out TV Land if they haven’t a clue about The Dick Van Dyke Show. And, yes, Rose Marie was totally a team player.

The only way I’ll watch anything on CBS during the GL time slot is if they air reruns of Allan Luden hosting Password, with Betty White as a guest.

kristeena on Tue, 28th Jul 2009 4:39 pm 

When I heard that music when Liv and Josh were at the door I was thinking more “Dinner Dash” soundtrack.

On a more happy note supposedly Jess’s first episode back airs on the 4th which hopefully will be next tuesday.

Liz on Tue, 28th Jul 2009 9:12 pm 

Look at that bitches! I am so up on comments this week. Kachow!

Lana, I would have much preferd Liv handcuff Blake and poke her until she talked. Much more believable. And you probs are old enouogh to be my parent. I like old people. Tell me, is it hard to listen to us with ahearing aide?

Ashlee- I love when Dani gets all reflective and final thoughty on us.

Toasty buddy – Those glasses were banging. And Reva always makes me laugh. “She punched that picture of Jeffrey in the face.”

Tallulah – I promised Bakes Id watch it, and since she is so rad to me, I can sacrifice two boobless hours to her I suppose. Dani will have to make up for it.

Maggie- I do remember that. I still dont know, but I will take it. The woman is perfection from head to toe, so any likeness y’all see I will humbly appreciate.

Dear Porter- You know what you did to earn your dead to me status. But I have reached into the cold empty pit that used to hold my heart and pulled up a scrap of forgveness for you. Try not to waste it or I’ll break your kneecaps.

Hey Dom- I hate Rafe with the fire of a thousands suns right now. Ugh. And Im not sure what up with Olivia right now, but its disapointing. Very disapointing.

Dani- Im adding that to the list.

Nathalie- Reasons I love you.
a. You’re my fav picture ho.
2. You get all Paul Buchman with your list making.
c. Team Bitches Make Out rocks the Wii tennis.
4. You said you’d teach me to surf, even though you know I’ll probably pass out in the ocean and die if I actually did surf.
d. You’re the only person in the world who wont tell me to shut up when I whine for the 4,000 time how much I miss non evil Natalia.
5. That I will put the bumper back on for you next week. Or sometime soon anyway.

Rikita- ‘Getting the vapors’ Bwahahahaha!!! We’ll always find something to snark at.

Melanie (and Lana) I’ll have you know I know and have seen the Dick Van Dyke show. So And also, Gina T is another who would be completely gorgeous in no make up and a burlap sack. Meow that woman is effortlessly amazing.

Kristeena- If you are right and Nat is back next week I will kiss you on the mouth!

XO

Kristy on Wed, 29th Jul 2009 3:30 pm 

Okay, I’ve been away traveling and whatnot…but I clearly have to comment now that I’m semi caught up on all of the shenanigans that have taken place in my absence.

…and since lists are awesome:

1) I literally fast forward through every single scene not containing an “O” or a “Talia” and that’s it. I’ve tried to watch other storylines, I swear I have…but this show is really, really terrible. I can be a little bit judgey sometimes, but everyone else on this show is stupid and ugly. So, when you guys starting ranting about other characters, I just kind of glaze over, and say “Who is Mel and why would I want to see her in leather?”

I am sad though that the longest running soap is going off air. I feel like this marks the first significant death in this genre and I feel like ABC may follow suit in the next couple of years.

2) Robert Newman is 51 and CC turns 44 next week. (Thank you Wikipedia!)

*quickly does math to determine self oldness*

I’m 29, so Robert Newman could totally be my dad. I’m cutting it pretty close to CC, but I suppose biologically, she could have mothered me. My grandparents probably would have forced her to put me up for adoption, in which case I would’ve grown up…and then lusted after my own birth mother which is sick and wrong, but totally not my fault because the adoption records are sealed and I don’t know who my birth mother is.

3) “It’s Frank and his stupid Penis’ fault.” – Thank you, Liz.

4) Olivia goes in to take a shower and then we see her in the same outfit with the same hair in the police station. That entire scene and the setup was so completely bizarre and random that I convinced myself that I missed an entire segment and had to rewind to check. Why? Why didn’t she take the shower?

5) That baby was kicking Ashley’s ass…and it was hilarious. He was pulling her hair and completely distracting her. She looked like she wanted to throw him on the floor.

BTW – I too, have read that Natalia is back next week.

*checks breath…awaits kiss*

Kristy on Wed, 29th Jul 2009 4:18 pm 

6) I hate when I discover a typo and I can’t go back and fix it.

“start ranting” not “starting ranting”

Damn these lightning fast typing fingers!

Liz on Wed, 29th Jul 2009 7:05 pm 

Kristy-
1. Why should you care about Mel and Dinah making out in leather? Well…
Mel (Yvonna Wright):
http://soapoperadigest.com/soapstarstats/Yvonna-Wright-JPI-L.jpg
+
Dinah (Gina Tognoni)
http://soapoperadigest.com/features/guiding-light/interviews/GinaTognoniL2005.jpg
Should totally equal hot sex on a platter. Yummy.
But really, Gina is a great actor and her scenes are always worth a slow down. Cant blame you for FF thru Marina or anything involving the Coopers (although the amazing and lovely Tina Sloan is worth a slow down for- especially Lillian’s stuff with Phillip right now, its very good).

3. You’re welcome.

4. Sloppy editing. Thats why.

6. Ranting = typos. You should see my slop of a mess I call notes anymore.

XO

JCF on Sat, 1st Aug 2009 10:02 pm 

May I propose that we Old Farts gather in coven, and magickally make Liz&Dani Grow Old like us (w/o growing up, of course, cuz what fun would that be?).

I have to say, all the kiddies lusting after CC does give me some hope! [Ooops, did I just disclose that I'm a Big Ol' Perv? :-X Hey, our eyes are even about the same color, and unlike La Chappell w/ the husband and kids, *I* am EXTREMELY available. So settle already! ;-p]

Holding on, barely, until the 17th (And it IS the 17th, right? Or is there any remaining hope for an earlier return for Our Dimples?) Thank God for that Twitter pic yesterday, at this point it’s the ONLY thing making the wait bearable…

Yvonne on Tue, 10th Nov 2009 11:58 am 

I know this is practically ancient history now but I laughed so hard at the thought of Lana having a podcast hearing aide that I had to comment. I just had an image of her factotum shouting into her good ear

Factotum: AND THEN LIZ SAID THAT SHE WOULD MAYBE SLEEP WITH JOSH
Lana: What? Eeeewwwwww, not Josh!
Factotum: THAT’S WHAT DANI JUST SAID
Lana: Yeah, she probably said hotsnack too. For some reason she’s allowed to get away with it.
Factotum: (under breath)Sshh, now I have to rewind it again. Save your commentary for the comments.

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